His Butler, a Fitness Instructor
by monkeybait
Summary: Ciel sends Sebastian to the library for a book, and Sebastian doesn't exactly return with the right one.


**It's finals week.**

"Sebastian! I need you for a task!" Ciel shouted in a most selfish way.

Sebastian came in. He was dressed in the attire a butler was supposed to wear, looking pretty fancy if he did say so himself. "What's up, my lord?"

Ciel growled in irritation. "Is this a riddle? The sky, of course."

"I was trying to be hip. It means 'How are you?'" Sebastian explained.

"Whatever. I need you to do something for me," Ciel continued.

"I had a feeling it was something of that nature," Sebastian nodded.

Ciel ignored him. Ciel is good at ignoring people. He doesn't admit it's a hobby of his. "I need you to go to the library and pick up a book for me."

"But young master, can you not come with?" Sebastian inquired. "It's a sunny day and the birds are chirping."

"I have several very important things to do," Ciel answered, twirling a pen on his finger tip against the tabletop.

Sebastian would have left the conversation at that, but he was feeling kind of obnoxious today. Even though Ciel was technically his boss, he was still a soul-eating demon and that was far more superior. Not to mention, Ciel's massive workload was obviously arguable. "Important things like twirling a pen?"

"Why are you questioning me?" Ciel shot, sounding angsty and confrontational. "You aren't supposed to question me. Unless I ask you to question me. Did I ask you to question me?"

"No," Sebastian admitted. "But you should go get some fresh air. I think."

"I do not want to get some fresh air. Go fetch my library book," Ciel demanded, ignorant of his near-blue anti-tan from lack of sunlight. Then Ciel pointed at the door and Sebastian knew he meant business. So Sebastian left.

Outside, the birds were chirping, as Sebastian said, the air was fresh, and the trees blew gracefully in the wind. Being outside was nice. Sebastian thought so at least. Ciel did not seem to like it as much. But Ciel didn't like very many things. So this wasn't unusual. Sebastian did not take the carriage and walked all the way to town. He didn't break a sweat, even though it was the middle of Summer and scorching hot.

"I wonder what Ciel wants me to go to the library for," Sebastian spoke allowed to himself, receiving some looks from people around him that all thought talking to oneself was a sign of craziness. "I probably should have asked Ciel before I left. Yet I didn't. That would have been the intelligent thing to do. Something must be wrong with me." Sebastian shrugged. "Oh well. Perhaps I will figure it out when I arrive. I am a pretty clever fellow, after all."

Sebastian climbed the steps of the library. Inside, everything smelled like paper and adventure. This did not surprise Sebastian. After all, the library has lots of books inside. And the books are full of adventure.

"Excuse me, front desk person," Sebastian began, walking up to said front desk. A woman sat in a wooden chair behind it. She was kind of old and wrinkly and gray-haired. Sebastian thought she fit librarian criteria quite well. "I am looking for a book. Can you tell me where to find it?"

"I could," the old librarian lady said, "except for I do not know which book you are looking for."

"I suppose that would help you find it a bit faster," Sebastian said.

"Yes it would," the old librarian lady said.

"Well," decided Sebastian, thinking on his toes, as always, "I suppose I will just have to guess. Then I will check the out the books that I so pick. And hopefully it will be the one I was sent here for."

"Hopefully," the old librarian lady repeated, thought she did not truthfully seem to care about the outcome of Sebastian's book hunt.

Sebastian ventured deep into the heart of library. There was rows and rows of books that seemed to stretch infinitely on either side. There were books about constellations and books about the human body. There were books about how to make shoes and books about how to train a dog. Sebastian did not think Ciel would be searching for any of these books. These books did not seem suspicious or out of the ordinary.

Sebastian put his hand to his chin and thought inquisitively. "Perhaps I will just have to trust my intuition as a Phantomhive butler and take the first interesting book I pluck from the shelves and then check it out, regardless of its purpose."

So, with a frivolous roll of his wrist, Sebastian pulled a book from its spot.

"Ooh," Sebastian marveled, "what a perfectly fitting book. This I must check out."

* * *

"'Calisthenics for the Physically Inactive'." Ciel read the title with bitter distaste and slammed the book upon his mahogany desk. He was frowning grumpily. "This is not the book I requested."

"You forgot to request a book," Sebastian reminded him.

Ciel grumbled. "Despite this ailment, certainly you should know I would not be looking for such utter silliness. What possessed you to get choose this book instead?"

"I did not choose it. It chose me," his demonic butler defended.

"Okay," Ciel spat, "then go back to the library and return this and get me the book 'Famous Toy Companies of the World'. It was published not too long ago and I am sure my toy company is in there. I want to read what has been written about us."

Sebastian did not want Ciel to sully his fun. "Please at least try this," he begged in a way that didn't sound like begging. "We can get some exercise and sunshine. It will be good for you. You will thank me when you are thirty years old and your legs are not skinny and awkward like a guinea fowl."

"Enough about guinea fowl. I command you to take back the book," Ciel ordered, no longer using his inside voice.

But Sebastian was adamant to the preteen's demands for once. He stood his ground. "If you will not listen to my warnings, I may have to call for back-up," Sebastian threatened.

Ciel narrowed his eyes and gripped the arms of his chair. "Do your worst."

"Very well. Finny! Maylene! Chef! Come in here!" Sebastian called.

It didn't take long for the trio to make it down the hallway, dust billowing in their trail. They were excited about being important. It didn't happen very often.

"What are we needed for, Sebastian?" Finny saluted, standing at attention.

"We'll do our best!" Maylene agreed.

"My name is Bardroy," said Bardroy, pointing at himself.

"Unfortunately no one cares," Sebastian replied, his tone hardly sympathetic.

Bardroy put his finger up as if making a point. "Yeah, well, I-! Er… Well… This is true."

"Ciel has asked us all to play a game," Sebastian announced. "A game that involves outdoors and exercise."

"I did no such thing," Ciel defended, but of course the three servants were already hooked.

"Oh boy! A game! Ciel wants to play a game with us!" Finny raved, dancing around in a circle.

"What game? What game is it?!" Maylene asked fervently.

"My feelings are hurt," Bard lamented.

Ciel looked between their beaming and not-so-beaming faces. He knew Sebastian knew that he knew in his heart of hearts that their tear-brimmed pie pan eyes would be staring at him all day if he objected and that would drive Ciel crazy.

"You're really determined about this," he said through gritted teeth.

Sebastian nodded once. "Yes. And I will not hesitate to bring back the food pyramid puppet if you continue to resist."

Ciel couldn't help but gasp. The food pyramid puppet was the bane of his snack time. "Alright, I will do it," he agreed, " but I am not excited about it."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, everyone was outside on the lawn, waiting for the stoutness exercises to begin.

"Is everyone ready?" Sebastian asked regardless, holding 'Calisthenics for the Physically Inactive' in one hand.

There were whoops from all, excepting Ciel whom muttered at the ground, "As I will ever be…"

"Great." Sebastian flipped open to the first page. "It suggests that before starting, we do a few stretches. Everyone touch your toes."

Finny, Maylene, and Bard touched their toes. Ciel touched the space six inches above his toes.

Sebastian clucked disappointedly. "Ciel, you are not touching your toes."

"Well perhaps I am incapable," Ciel growled back snarkily.

Finny glanced up upon noticing the problem and then pranced over to his employer. "Worry not, Ciel! I will press on your back to help you!"

Ciel's eyes widened in panic. "Wait, Finny don't-"

But Finny did. Ciel's spinal column bent in a way it never had, signifying its discomfort with an unsatisfying crack that even set Sebastian's teeth on edge.

"There!" Finny grinned at his work, seeming oblivious to the noise. "I made you reach!"

"Yes. And made my spine telescope," Ciel muttered flatly.

After Sebastian straightened Ciel's vertebrae, he flipped to the next page. "'Now that you have finished stretching, it's time for some jumping jacks. Place your hands above your head and your feet together. Jump out to the side, spreading your arms apart as you do so. Then bring your hands and feet back together again. Do ten jumping jacks in a row.'"

"Ten?!" Ciel marveled.

"You heard the book. Let's go everyone."

Ciel did not want to do this anymore, but thought of the food pyramid puppet and tried anyway. After six vigorous jumping jacks, Ciel fell to the grass.

Sebastian stood over him, arms folded. "Tut."

"No one asked you," Ciel said from the ground.

"I say we go on a run," Sebastian decided spontaneously, "nothing gets your heart going like a good run."

Ciel sighed. Ciel hated running. Finny and Maylene and Bard weren't too shabby at it, and Sebastian was obviously very good at it. He was faster than Ciel, even whilst running with both feet shackled to a baby grand piano.

"This piano doesn't even have wheels," he insulted as he lapped Ciel for the seventh time.

"You… want to kill me… in the slowest… and most awful… way possible…" Ciel panted.

"Well we're all impressed you haven't offered to fire us yet," Sebastian added with a grin that fed on Ciel's bad mood.

That's when Ciel passed out from exertion.

"This is problematic," Sebastian observed. Ciel hadn't gotten very far in working outside, but the exposure to the sun had turned him from off-blue to a sort of ghostly white so it wasn't a day totally unspent. So Sebastian took him inside and when he woke up, when he woke up, Sebastian _let him eat cake_. THE END.

**It's okay Ciel, I can't touch my toes either.**


End file.
